Fears Do Not Serve You

I have some left over fears that seem to grip so tightly when my guard is down, like when I'm sleeping. My newest panic attack gripped me at 5am this morning. I woke up feeling the pain in my entire stomach, ribs to pelvis. The fear had its claws in me so deeply. I was absolutely sure everything was going to fall at my feet, I was going to disappoint people, people were going to yell at me, everything was just going to crumble in a domino effect and the business my husband and I have worked so hard to build up would be gone overnight.

Now, realistically, that wouldn't happen, but in the throws of that panic attack, it was a sure thing. I couldn't even get my shield up. All I could do was lay on the bathroom floor, my face pressed against the cold tiles, calling for my angels and spirit guides and higher self and God to please help me and protect me. I found the pain lessoning. I was able to go back to sleep and have some weird, but fun dreams. I woke up feeling only slightly calmer, safely outside of the panic attack. I am so grateful for them coming to my aid last night, hearing my call.

I am also thankful that the day has become magical right before my eyes. Everything I feared... it's just gone away, replaced with a positive version. People who would have yelled at me are suddenly on vacation or calm about it. I can hardly believe it, although I should have known I would be protected.

In talking to a friend, he asked me if it served me and I realized it really didn't. I thought I had let the fear go to God after thanking it for making me aware... but really I'd just held on to it, probably fearing what would happen if I did let it go. My perspective is off here and I need to reorganize. Perhaps some meditation would help me gain a newer, positive perspective of what would happen if I let go of these fears. I'm sure it would actually. So tonight, when I get some blessed time alone, I will meditate on better ways to let go of that fear for real and know that the fear doesn't mean I have control of it. The fear doesn't serve me at all... it just makes for a shitty night's sleep and a ridiculous panic attack.

In light and love;
~A