Failure

Do you know what I really struggle with? Failure. I am so hard on myself (yes, I'm fully aware of that) that I can barely handle knowing I've failed someone. Regardless of who's actual fault it is, it still cuts me deeply. I always feel that there was so much more I could do.

Take this scenario for instance. Recently, I got into a strange argument with a friend (who's now my ex-friend, but I'll get to that). For months she's been "feeding" off of me. She got in a fight with her husband, so she stays at my house, popping up out of nowhere without asking. Well I love her so I set her up in our spare bedroom. This happened several times. Then she needs me and I mean really needs me. I'm totally there for her. I pick her up, set her up in my house for a week, drive her around for various appointments, etc, before she found an apartment. Basically, I put aside my life to help her for a week. I'm not complaining. I was happy to do it because I believe what you put out, you get back. If I ever needed help, I'd want people there for me. I truly loved this person like a sister. Then, a month later with hardly a word from her, she tells me to call her because she's in a dark place. Her phone isn't working. I tried 3 times. I told her I couldn't get through and she begins screaming at me that I'm not a real friend and tells me to go die. It escalated very quickly. I remained calm and just refused to get into name calling and pointing blame. The next day, she messaged me again with more insults. A few days later, I reached out to her in apology and friendship. She didn't return the message. I'm clearly not at fault, but why do I feel like I am? I feel responsible for her pain even though I know I didn't contribute and I handled myself the very best I could in the situation and the days that followed. I feel like a failure and the loser she called me. Isn't that interesting?

As empaths, we see all sides because we feel all of the emotions from everyone involved. So how do I stop feeling like a failure in almost everything I do? I've decided it has a lot to do with gratitude and asking for divine help. If I'm grateful, and express gratitude, for all the blessings in my life and all the things I've done right, I find letting go of the pain and responsibility, real or imagined, of failure is easy. I cleanse myself of those residual emotions that sometimes stick like glue. When I let myself fully feel that beautiful, pure, divine light and love, I see that those "failures" were really tests that lead me closer to my lightworker path.

In light and love;
~A