Mood Swing! Table 9!

Saturday night I'm calm, relaxed, and enjoying some Gordon Ramsey. (I just love him!) I am reflecting on the great day I've had when suddenly, I'm melancholy. Ummm... why am I suddenly feeling so low when less than a minute before I was fine. I make an effort to strengthen my shield, just in case. It seems strong. I still feel like a shining star. I'm pondering how negative feelings are getting to me and what I can do to stop them when I start crying. I'm not talking your regular crying when you're sad and you squeeze out a few tears. This was tsunami crying.

Big tears rolled down my face as sobs wracked my body. I feel like I'm at a funeral. I feel like someone has died. I feel hopeless, lost, inconsolable. It was horrendous. I even drew up my knees and curled myself into a ball, rocking back and forth from the anguish of it all. I moaned and cried like this for several minutes. Just as suddenly as it came on, it stopped. Just completely stopped and I was calm again. I wiped away my tears thinking, "What the f.....?"

For several days I had no idea why this has happened. No idea what it was about, what triggered it, or what caused it. Okay that's not entirely true. I did have a split second flash of an idea, but I didn't want to accept it and pushed it aside. It was kind of like when you realize you really love someone and then instantly think of them dying. That kind of thing.

Today, I was told my flash had actually happened. Now, I couldn't have prevented it, but I can make it better. That's just part of being a healer and the gifts I was born with I suppose, but you know what? That really sucked! To feel powerless to stop it, but be given the ability to take away the pain. Not cool. Guess I just found the other side of the coin.

In light and love;
~A